8 years old again

she didnt mean any harm, she was just being a pre-teen
doing what pre-teens did to their little siblings
running the world for both of them when the parents werent around
and there was plenty of time when the parents werent around
she would con a little, manipulate a lot
and the younger sister had no idea that it was all a lie
a plot to just make things happen how she wanted
"if you dont, the next time you want to play 'Domino Rally,' Im not going to play with you"
it was as simple as that

times like this my 8 year old little girl shines through
the one that really just wants you to like her
wants you to want to play with her "next time"
is willing to put her feelings on hold, desires under the bed
tuck her pride in a dark corner of the shoe box in the closet and
do pretty much anything youve said

problem is, this was the same little girl that
couldnt do anything right
whose fault it was that her parents got into fights who
cried herself to sleep wanting a mother to come home who
regretted damn near every word she said on her end of the phone
the little girl that talked the quietest, laughed the meekest,
preferred, sought isolation cause it was better than feeling alone in a house full of
loud, strong-willed, over-compensating women, seemingly fighting for the leading role in Life

except today..
I cant afford to be that 8 year old little girl
afraid of someone else's reaction, someone else's torment, or pain
let alone the self-inflicted torture of herself
I dont have another round of that kind of insanity in me
not when Ive tasted the deserts of freedom
smelled the air of self-worth
touched the very Spirit of God's love
and know with all that's in me
that there is better than this