chasing freedom

*laughs*
you want to talk about chasing a feeling?
I know what its like to chase a feeling.
to be willing to move the world if only..
bereft of desire for anything otherwise
to use any one and every thing within arms length that has even a chance at getting you there
waking dreams and night visions of it
watching time tick away second by second because you know that when the long hand finally inches itself over the 12 you can press play again, pick up from your last checkpoint and resume your quest
repeating yourself, pacing, asking, waiting
and youll wait too..
...
...however.. long.. you need..
but still plotting and engaging plans F and G
all the while thinking, believing, knowing that this time
THIS will be the time youll finally feel it again.
Remembering that you thought this the last time
and the time before
and the time
...
but the grip has set in
youve started on your way
and theres nothing, no one, no hope, no body to stop you
and anything, any mood, any tears, any broken heart cant
at some point not even yourself
*pauses*
*smiles*
so its kind of ironic that Ive got the grip today.. about this particular feeling
but its also kinda sad
to be struggling against myself in the chase