emotional explosion

theres this part of me

that I cant quite put my finger on

thats weepy sad and excited all at the same time

emotion over emotion

stomach churning with somatic response

not knowing whether to hurl or hide, go out or come inside

and its scary

to not quite know what all Im feeling and why

cant quite grasp a direction long enough to know where Im going

and sitting in it just doesnt seem like an option today

things, everything

seems to be moving at the speed of light

days turn into nights turn into a month already gone by

and if at the end of it like with the end of everything

you still cant decide, still dont have an answer

still have hurt feelings and good memories

smiles collide with tears

mind racing back over the years

and what sucks is that when I concentrate long enough

think about it hard enough

all I can focus on is the high probability of the guilty bitchy I Told You So that Im convinced is waiting for me

time seems to be a luxury that no one can ask for but you

so the sad turns to angry

the weepy turns into.. Fuck!

and in the interest of owning my own feelings I stuff

cause theres no time to feel this

no time to "figure it all out"

life goes on

love grows strong

and I know that it will take more than all the time in the world to get over this feeling if Im trying to do it alone

and the angry turns to contempt

and the Fuck! into regret

realizing that there is no world where I can never talk to you again

no solution that doesnt involve you

and no complete on to move to where you arent holding the door open

so through the scared I wait on the courage

and do my best to give it what we both have been denying it all this..time

in an effort to hold on to

receive

breathe

love and not hate

imploding as an escape

running jumping driving pouring smiling teaching sexing

emotion over emotion

Do Not Shake

Contents Under Pressure